EP14: Your Feelings Don't Matter!

Just a little bit.

I'm only on my second beer. It's not that big of a deal.

No, no, no. I'm just getting started. You would be wasted off your... What's that sugary little wine that you drink that you like when you splurge? You drink some wine? What

Speaking of bitches, Brad likes Moscato. He's getting heavy and loose. No, I'm serious. Why is it that contractors can be so sensitive when it comes to constructive criticism? Did he get on the defensive?

I mean, what the heck?

Well, there's a certain like. When you become an entrepreneur, you're like a breaking through of like, hey, I'm going to take control of my destiny. And it is emotional. I mean, for me and I personality, I'm very different than you, Mr. D personality. But like, so you tie in all those emotions and everyone can be sensitive. All the different personality profiles, they all can be, they can all get sensitive over certain things. I mean, they're really going on a limb. You know, some, some contractors are barely making it work. They're, they don't even have enough money to do it. They're getting their asses kicked on their bids. They're not doing their business right. And then like, and then they, they're just trying to push their way through it, getting their ass kicked. And then someone comes in and tries to offer some constructive criticism and just breaks them. It like breaks them down and bitches be crying and shit.

But your hair looks nice. And your outfit looks really amazing. Yeah.

Yeah, but why the hell did you do it that way? So we need to break this real quick because you're talking about employees.

of bitch right there.

Well, you, you can look at, I'm an I personality. I have a lot of feelings. I might start crying before this podcast is over. That's just the way it is.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's, that's just me. I'm an emotional thing, but. I am on the journey to self-mastery. I want to get better. And I realized that I need to be coached on certain things. I need to take constructive criticism. I need to look at constructive criticism with an open mind. And I really try and soak it up. And when you're trying to just get 0.001% better at one simple thing, you really have to take that constructive criticism. And I don't mean like that, like that's the only level I can get. I can get 10% better on a lot of things, but there's certain things that I feel like I'm good at that I could get, you know, just a slight edge better than I am now. And the only way to do that is to have self-awareness and self-evaluate. Even if I get some constructive criticism from someone who I think is an ass, you know, like you sometimes, for example, I still like, oh, okay. Brad's annoying the shit out of me right now, but he made some constructive criticism. Like, how can this help me be better? And, you know, and I really dig into that. And so the problem is with...

Yeah, I mean, exactly. That's what I'm saying. But the point is, like, the point is I'm willing to receive that constructive criticism open-armed and like, okay, well, how can I get better? And can I use this? as fuel to get upset, to get better, whatever. Like, you know, just too many people close it off and they get defensive. And when you're defensive, you can't go on the offense to get better. Let that one sink in, Brad. Let it sink in.

Just hang it up, bro. Put your bags back on. Yeah, put your bags back on. Get back out there.

If you're powdery bald, get your ass out here in California. We'll get to work. No, I mean, it's funny. We can joke and tease about that. But, I mean, the reality is it's like if you're deciding to do this, there's not too many contractors that. that came up and we're like, Hey, I'm going to be a contractor. I'm gonna start my own business, construction business. I'm going to, I'm going to run 20 guys. And this is how I'm going to make my living. It doesn't really have like for me. And for most of the contractors I know, it's like, it's that whole craftsman to businessman transition. Like we've talked about many, many times. One of my favorite podcasts that we've ever done. It's like, that kind of happens. And it's like, you don't even realize you're going through the transition of becoming the businessman. And you know that you're becoming the entrepreneur. So I think there's where some of the friction lies is like they're going out on a limb and then they get their feelings hurt because they, I mean, you see what I'm saying? Does that make sense? It's like, it's such a struggle. It's such a battle.

Some of those groups are just the blind leading the blind. And there's no leadership and they just, yeah, it's just, that's, that is part of the problem there.

Right. Well, I mean, that, that's, that's one of the quotes that I put into one of our, one of our mastermind groups. I don't know if it was the mastermind or the, our free entry group or whatever, but that one was like, are you talking to the wrong prospects or are you talking wrong to your prospects? It's a big difference. And there's way too many, way, way too many contractors that just say, I'm talking to the wrong prospects. And like when you go in to give some constructive criticism and go like, wait a minute, like, what did you say? How did it go down? What did they say? How did this all transpire? What, you know, what was the conversation exchange? And when you start to evaluate as they give you the information that they were sharing, you're like, well, you might've been talking wrong to the prospect and not talking to the wrong prospect. And until you embrace the fact that you may have done it incorrectly, like you're never going to grow. Like the journey of self-mastery is like on a shelf for you. Like put it on the shelf and just go out and run around, do your bullshit. And like one day when you want to get better, you'll come back, you'll take it off the shelf and you'll sit down and have a talk. And then we'll figure out how to get this right.

I don't know if it's appropriate or not, but I really like to talk about role-playing for a minute, like in our, in our mastermind, because this is, this is where this all ties together. And until you like become uncomfortable with being, until you be comfortable with uncomfortableness, like it, it's really difficult. Just, just talk about it for a minute. We can just jump off it if you want.

It's uncomfortable to do that. It's uncomfortable to role play. And I'm sensitive. I don't want you to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Tell me what they say.

You ever been to like a bar where they're playing music? The bands up on stage are like. well, this next song is the song that we just wrote, and this is the first time we're doing it live. So they're already vanguarding that they might screw it up and sound like shit. It's just like, that's the same thing. That's a natural vanguard. That's vanguarding and not even knowing what a vanguard is.

Okay, listen, we talked about role-playing and I don't know that it came through, but in our mastermind, we do sales role-plays where one person acts as a contractor, one person acts as a client, and you go through scenarios. And it's a little strange, it's a little awkward. Your feelings are all on the table because you know that You're going to enact this scenario as if it was real life. And then when it's over, you're going to get critiqued. And it's really strange. It's really weird. And it's not as hard as it sounds because if you've done any amount of sales calls, if you've fielded any calls in whatever trade you are, whether it's ponds or remodeling bathrooms and kitchens, it's like, hey, this is Eric from The Pond Digger. I'm here to talk to you about your project. And like you go through a scenario and you play that out. It was really hard the first time I started doing role plays. But I craved it when people told me I sucked. They're like, oh, you really sucked right here. And I was like, okay, wow, that hurt. Ouch. I thought I was really good at this. I've been doing this for 18 years. But okay, I want to be better. I'll put my feelings on the shelf. So I can learn from this and be better. But it's a really difficult task. And more often than not, people are super sensitive in that area.

Sure. Sure. Well, that made me start thinking about, you know, solicited critique and unsolicited critique. And so this is a big factor. You know, I might be talking to a contractor friend of mine, peer or whatever, and I might make some suggestions about something they say. There's a couple that come to mind right away. You know, they're like, oh, yeah, this customer, like the whole high five scenario. Yeah, tell them F off. Screw them. They're the wrong customer. Like I hear them describe the scenario and I'm like, wow, this could have been handled differently. And I might reach out and go like. Hey, do you think that if you would have tackled it this way, it could have gone down different? And then they become defensive. And so if the difference between solicited coaching and unsolicited coaching is very, very different. So if they don't want to hear it from you and they're already set in their mind and you offer some constructive criticism, they're not open to it. They become sensitive. They become defensive. They fight back. They push back. Boom, boom, boom. But when it's someone like, hey, I've been... I only sell two out of every 10 jobs. I might be doing something wrong. I could really use some help. I need some assistance. I could use some guidance. I would like to be coached. Then they become open-minded to take that constructive criticism and be less of a bitch.

Well, it's interesting because being an entrepreneur, being a contractor, who's running your own business, you have to have a certain amount of bravado, a certain amount of ego, arrogance, like all that has to kind of like be in there balanced in order to be able to even get, kicked in the face as much as we do to make this work, to build what we want and be our own bosses. It takes a lot. But what I'm thinking is as the contractor becomes more open-minded and open-armed to become coached and take the constructive criticism, they open their arms, they get into a space where they can be guided and get that constructive criticism to get better, and then they close their arms. And then they open their arms and they close their arms and they open. It's like they don't totally go into it unconditionally, open-armed to like, okay, let's figure this out. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Just start passing out tampons.

That's probably smart.

You know, how can we help inspire contractors to take some constructive criticism? I'd like to pitch something in here. It's like, I like to think I'm my worst critic, but I think that you are probably my worst critic, but I'm probably the second person who's my worst critic. Right. I mean, literally, literally like as an entrepreneur,

I, that's fine. I'm just saying you're my worst critic. I'm my second worst critic. I never say, I used to say that all the time until I met you. And now I like, well, Brad's my worst critic. I'm the number two worst critic. But when you come to that point in the journey of self mastery, like you, you start to criticize yourself and really become self aware. That's a really special spot to be in. That's a really good space to be in where you're constantly. Saying, you could have done this better, Eric. Hey, you could have done that better, Eric. Right? That's a good spot to be in. And until you're there, you know, you can't even absorb the critique from one of your peers. And like, I'll take constructive criticism from someone who just got started. And I'll take constructive criticism from my mentors and people who have been around doing it for years and years and years. And that becomes a special place where... You just become open to receive suggestions to become better.

I'm not complaining you're my worst critic. That's why we're still friends.

And that's, that's craftsmanship stuff. Like it even goes deeper as an entrepreneur. It's like, well, I could have taken that call better. I could have talked to the person differently. I could have tracked my numbers better. I could have assist. I could have. I could have coached my employees a little bit differently or guided them differently to get a better result. Like it becomes, it's so much deeper than just the craftsmanship. That's the easy part for me. Craftsmanship.

Get Mo.

Well, I mean, that's a funny little twist of Gitmo. Good enough to Gitmo, move on.

Yeah, good enough to get paid. That's a twist there. And that's a delicate balance.

Suck it up, buttercup. You're freaking hilarious, Brad. I mean, the interesting thing is like when, you know, when you join a coaching program and you fight it, I mean, that's a problem, you know, like, why would you pay money to be coached and then fight your coach? You know, why, why would you be Michael Jordan and then hire Tim Grover for seven figures to help you become better and then fight him and tell him what he's telling you is wrong? Like it's, that, that's some of the stuff that comes out and that's really important for me to share.

You know what, Brad? Fuck your feelings. Fuck your feelings. Okay. You know, you know what it's all about people. We want you to be, to be humble. We want you to stay focused. We want you to become self-aware. We want you to be your own worst critic. And we want you to basically, Remain humble. I mean, that's the premise of what we're trying to teach you tonight in today's podcast. Is that pretty clear, Brad?

Yeah. All right. Okay, people. Thank you so much for lending us your ears and attention tonight. If you're enjoying the podcast, it'd mean the world to us. If you take a moment to give us a review, subscribe, and of course, we want you to boom, smash that five-star rating. It helps our positioning on the podcast immensely and it makes us smile. And even Brad will smile when he reads the reviews. So follow us over on Facebook and Instagram at Hammer and Grind Podcast. And we hope to see you on the inside of the Profit Club one of these days for some personal coaching from the big D, Brad, and I, personality me. Have a great night.