EP43: The Contractor’s Wife with Bethany Huebner

An amazing rollercoaster.

Not everybody likes roller coasters. So not everyone probably should be married to a contractor. There's some highs on roller coasters and there's some lows. There's some times where you're scared out of your mind. And there's some times where you're like, this is the most amazing feeling ever. So it's kind of like that.

Oh, man, it was really hard. I was really naive. And I think I still am naive in a lot of ways. But I really had no idea what I was getting myself into marrying a contractor or marrying a business owner. how that was going to impact our relationship, how that was going to impact our family. So I think there was just a lot of things for me to learn early on. So it was really hard to really process that early in our marriage on top of learning how to be married and how to be a supportive wife or a business owner. So I think there was a lot of learning. The learning curve was very great at the beginning.

I feel like these are like burning questions. Yeah. I mean, that is, was definitely the case. So, I mean, a little bit of background is, you know, when we first got married, I had just graduated graduate school. and was in residency and, you know, not only making about 80% of a normal salary of a physical therapist. We had two kids. Yeah, it was really, really hard because, you know, even at the beginning, you didn't pay yourself a salary. It was, you would do kind of those member draws and it was always kind of questionable if there was going to be one. you know, that month. And when we looked at the monthly budget, we tried to just make it based off of my salary. But even then it was, it was really, really hard because, you know, we want to go out to eat or we'd want to do something fun together. Cause you know, again, we're early in our marriage and we have two, two kids, eight, eight and 13. The girls were that age and we were going to soccer tournaments out of town. I mean, so yeah, it was. It was really, really stressful. I think it was probably more stressful for you, though, because I'm not really driven by that. I can be pretty comfortable in lots of different circumstances when it comes to money. But I could, it was stressful for me, but I think it was probably more stressful for you.

I'm the saver in our relationship. So here's the thing is you're the spender and I'm the saver. And so what would stress me out was not having enough savings. Like, you know, God is good and God blessed us in many, many ways. I had... thousands of dollars of student loan debt that we had to pay off. I had over $70,000 of student loan debt. So on top of all that stress of a new business, plus my student loan debt, plus raising a family, it was incredibly stressful. And for me, I like to have a certain number in my bank account just to, from a savings perspective. And that just wasn't possible because we had all those outgoing things. So, so yeah, it was. It was really, really tough in those early, early days.

Yeah, I think actually that was like spot on. That's kind of what we budgeted is how much we needed from you a month.

Again, burning loaded questions. Did we, I mean, I feel like that's a past tense question, but I feel like it's still in the, should be in the future tense. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you would have to comment on this. I feel like for a majority of the time, I am very supportive wife and very much a supportive of your business and you being a business owner and try to invest in the right ways to get you going forward. But yeah, I mean, we would have fights about your time, like how you were spending your time. I know early on the weekends we would have the girls, you would be working and I would be left alone, you know, raising two teenagers. And that would frustrate me. I felt like a lot of times you would, because the business came first, it was like our relationships and our family were abandoned at times. And that was really frustrating. It was really hard. And I think part of the selfishness in me was like, Don't you want to be home with our family? Don't you want to be home with us? So I think that stemmed a lot of those arguments. I think some of the stress of the finances stemmed some of those arguments. I think now, you know, it's always a balance. I've learned a lot to know how much it takes to put into the business. And I think you've learned a ton over the years on how to be more productive and how to get. more out of your daily work that you can come home and you can invest in the family and you can not have to work on Saturdays and Sundays. And so, but you know, it's partly our relationship too. I mean, maybe the listeners don't know as well, but like we're both kind of like hotheads when it comes to an argument situation.

So I think. Yeah. I mean, the simple answer is, yeah, we've had some arguments, but I think we've learned a lot from those and a lot more understanding. And both you've learned along the way and I've learned, you know, how to be better at being supportive and encouraging and to not take some of those things so personal and to know that you're going to need that time or you're going to need to be able to invest in working hard and not maybe hear when I would want you here.

Come on now. Come on. Come on.

True. Yes. I have in the past put receipts in. and tried to organize some file folders for you. But there is really nothing in your business that is within my skillset. And truth be told, I don't like doing things that I'm not 100% good at. So yeah, I just think it's your business. And you've said that to me a lot. It's our business. And I'm kind of like, no, I think it's kind of your business. And I really love that it's your business. And I appreciate you including me, but yeah, I don't invest in the day-to-day. Of course, we talk about like, what job are you doing this week? And I surely market to my friends and family and all those things. But yeah, I mean, I'm not working in it day in, day out. We're not working together on certain projects. That would be a disaster.

Yeah, I will readily admit I have some OCD tendencies. I'll own that.

awesome. Good for them. Yeah.

Well, number one is I got to find good help. Can't find good help. I just had good help.

You know, I feel like it's been a little bit more than that. That and, you know, just being frustrated with it. It's interesting. And I don't know if other relationships are like this, but, you know, you always your spouse is the person you you you vent to. And and so I don't really hear a whole lot of positives. Like, I don't really hear your wins. You don't really talk about your wins. I hear. all the, all the negatives. So you can't find good help. What went wrong on a job, you know, like when, when the plumbing was leaking or you opened up the wall and sure enough, there was all these problems. And I think it, that wears on you over time as a, as a wife, as a spouse is just like every night sitting at the dinner table, like how was your day? And it's all negative. And I'm very optimistic person. And so it, It's like I try to find the positive in the situation. And I don't know that you always appreciate that because you kind of want to wallow in those for a little bit. And so I've learned over time to just kind of acknowledge and really just say, you know what, that really stinks. I'm really sorry. And honestly, meaning and I'm not like just placating you. But I think that was those are the things that are hard for me is just to hear. every night, like what were the negatives? What were the things that went wrong? And gosh, for 11 years, we just can't find good help.

Well, you know, you did tell me to be honest.

Yeah, I think so. I think, you know, I do. I would agree with you that. I mean, over the last two to three years, you've really been pouring into learning more and learning how to be better. And I think you have had some adjustments to that where you're finding some positives in things. But yeah, I think you don't say something every single day, but anytime we talk about the business, it's usually something negative. And so that's hard.

It's a real challenge. Especially for me that because I'm so hands-off on your business, I don't have a whole lot of things I can do to help you. And that feeling of feeling helpless to me, especially my why in life is to help people. Like I, that's why I became a physical therapist. That's why I became an educator. I want to help people. And so to see you struggle, to see you day in and day out, not feel like you're accomplishing your dreams or accomplishing your goals and being frustrated by that. It's extremely, extremely difficult. And I ask you a lot all the time, you know, how can I help? And it's like, there's not really anything you can do. And I don't, of the things that I could help you with, I don't necessarily have the time to help you with those things, being that I have a full-time job currently going to school to get my PhD and we have five and a half year old son. So it is, it's a, it's, it's a. It's a hard place. I don't like to see you struggle. I get sad that you have to go through those struggles. It's not fair. I say many times that that's the F word that I don't really like is the word fair because life's not fair. But gosh, you work so hard. You put in so much work. And I just want the world for you. I just want the best for you. To see that not come to fruition in the way that you hope and dream is really hard.

We haven't. I'm sitting here crying right now.

If I could fix in your business, I would... I don't know what would be the driver. See, okay, this is how my mind works is when I assess... patience. I'm always looking for what's the driver? What is the one thing that if I can fix that one thing, everything else will fall into place because our bodies are just innately connected. And so that's how I look at this question is like, what's the one thing? And I think really having some strong employees that have strong skill sets. and are loyal and passionate as you are about making people's homes amazing for them to live in and remodeled and those things. I think early on the business and now, if I could have a magic wand, I would give you a team of employees that were loyal, passionate, hard workers that really produced what you were looking for so that you could do the things that you're really, really good at as well. And you're passionate about by helping contractors like you do with this podcast, like you do with Profit Club, because your heart is outwardly focused and you really want to be able to help others and help their businesses grow as well. And so I think that would be my magic wand swipe.

Yeah, I mean, that's true. See, that's the hard part too is you worked so many years for nothing and you said 20%. Well, sometimes, I remember many times actually where you would say, I lost money on that job. I lost money on that job. And that was pretty consistent just because not knowing how to... estimate your time or estimate your helper's time and then not charging enough certainly played a role in that. So I think, again, it's like finding what's the driver in the situation. Having what you've been put in place in the last several years with the profit sales system and being able to know how to estimate and how to charge now is... immensely different than what it was early on in the business and how much happier you are. And I don't hear you say I've lost money on a job anymore. I can't even remember the last time I heard you say that.

Gut punch.

Well, you know, there was a definite shift when you started using this process, when you started not having to go out. two people's homes at 5 p. m. at night. I mean, we have dinner together as a family at 6,630 every night. And sometimes we don't have dinner at that time because of me now and not because of you. And there were so many times where we're like, I would keep your plate warm in the microwave and we wouldn't eat together because you were going out. And because so many people work eight to five jobs and they couldn't have you come out to do your. your estimate until after five. Um, and so those sorts of things, I mean, we're game changers and gosh, like just the difference in you. I mean, just knowing that your time wasn't being wasted and you could be more productive with your time, like that made a big boost in you and, and your happiness as well, that bled over into our family and, and our relationship. So, I mean, Tons of positives that I don't know that you probably have encapsulated as much because you maybe don't know because I'm seeing that and seeing those things come out in you. So, yeah, I think that really was a game changer for sure.

Yeah, I think it's a little bit tough to say one thing. I kind of go back to what I talked about earlier is that, you know, the venting can get old over time. So I think mixing in some positives in there, you know, making sure that your wife feels secure in the, in, in the fact that, you know, the, the business is, is doing as best as it can to, and, and, and not hearing all of the, all of the negative. I think that, that is important to kind of. maybe do the compliment sandwich sort of thing. Like, you know, what's one good thing you can vent about your negative and then also one good thing to follow up with or something like that is really having those conversations because, you know, we really want to see you succeed as your partner. So we want to hear those wins and we want to celebrate with you because I love celebrating. I love being excited with you. And I think a lot of times contractors are pretty modest, especially business owners. They're just, they get a win and then they're on to the next one. Like it's no big deal. And I think, you know, celebrate your wins with your wife. Tell them about them just as much as you tell them about the things that frustrate you.

You know, I think, It probably depends on what kind of wife you are. Like, are you in the business? Are you not in the business? But from my perspective, not really other than just a sideline cheerleader. I think that's probably my number one advice is just know that they need the encouragement and they need that continual support. And even when you get frustrated and overwhelmed with maybe the negatives and things like that. Or if you're even scared, you know, if you're relying on your husband primarily as that, as, you know, your financial support, that can be a really hard place to hear and hear him struggle. So I think, you know, have faith, encourage him, be supportive of him and show him the respect that, you know, that I think that helps him, you know, that process. And so continually. Even when you're frustrated, when you're down and having a hard time hearing the same thing over and over again, take that moment to try to say an encouraging word or however he receives encouragement or support, extend that grace.

You know, I think the important thing is, is that every day you are continually learning and investing. in yourself so that you can be the best you for others. And for all of you that are listening, if you're in the profit club, you have an amazing guide. He is so passionate, so excited to help you achieve your goals and your business goals. And it's so fun to be your wife and get to watch you invest in other people. So I'm proud of you, babe.