EP48: The Contractor Couple With Justin & Kristin Bender

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Can I do two? I'll let you go. And the reason why I wanted to say two, because the first one I would say is complicated. But the second word I would say is incredible.

Yeah. Well, it definitely is a mixed bag, but she saved the day when she first started taking on work with Bender Homes. It was a miracle. She saved me and saved the company. is now just doing amazing things.

We like challenges. Yeah. We're up for it.

Yeah, the story goes, I initially was working with... Another guy, full-time, I was kind of the main worker, and then he would just kind of help me, but I paid him an hour leave to work with me full-time. And then after about two years, he bailed. And it just left me in the lurch for as far as getting my jobs done on time and then having to, I would get home five o 'clock from working all day doing, I was at this point, we didn't even use subs. So I was doing all the drywall, electrical, plumbing, tile, every single trade you could think of. And then I would come home and I would change clothes at five o 'clock and then try to go out, put on a happy face and meet a new client. And after doing that for a while, I just came home and I was like, Kristen, I can't go out tonight. I'm so tired. I'm done. Could you please just go out? Just meet these people. All you have to do. Here's all you have to do. Just meet them, say hi, put up a good face, and then just measure the space and then take pictures. and then just see what they kind of want. And that's it. And then just bring it home to me. And then I will put right up an estimate and I'll talk them through it. And I'll go from there. And then it slowly evolved into like every time she'd say, and then she came home that night when she went to the first one, she was like, I loved it. And I'm like, what you did? Who likes estimates? I don't want to go do that. And she's like, it was great. I love the people. I was like, okay, this could really work. And then... And then she would do like come home with the photos and all of a sudden I was like, well, why don't you write up the estimate? And so she'd be like, well, I don't even know what to do. I'm like, just take the old one that I did and try to make it better or just try to copy it. And so she would try to do that. And, you know, inevitably I'd be like, that's not a good number. Don't put that number in there. And we would laugh and then we'd fight and then we, you know, get to the right spot. But then slowly we just started, she just started taking on more and more and more. And now she is like, running all the sales, all the marketing, all the customer service. She's basically the general contractor where she is meeting all the subs, scheduling all the subs, writing up all the estimates. I am the problem solver, kind of the quality control guy. And then when I need to jump in and help, when a sub messes up or we can't get somebody out there or it's... fine carpentry and things like that. And that's what I do. So that was a little bit of the evolution of where we got.

kidding. Well, that was awesome, Brad. Thanks.

Oh, we had so many, so many fights. Cause you would take a picture in a space and I'd be like, wait, where is, where's this picture? What, what angle, like, where's the other spot? She's like, oh, I forgot to take that, that picture. And then I'm like, wait, the measurements, like what, what is this measurement? Where is the one from this wall? And she go, oh, I forgot to measure that one. Should I go back? Or should I call them? Like we had so many, again, challenging.

And difficult were like the words that were popping out early on. We're getting better systems. But yeah, that was tough.

You got it.

Kristen is definitely in charge of the jobs, but I would say I'm kind of shadowing behind her with the construction knowledge of like, Hey honey, we need to do. like electrical next? Are you, do you have like, is that scheduled? Cause sometimes she'll be like, Oh, I got the plumber ready. And I'm like, we know we can't do the plumber yet. We can't do it. And she'll go, Oh, okay. Okay, cool. And then she'll cancel that and then move somebody up or, Oh, Hey, this got special ordered. So we need to wait. So we should actually be doing this next. It's just like, just like you said, she has zero knowledge or had zero knowledge of the skills and the trades. And so I get to kind of be the guy behind the scenes telling her like, she'll just tell me what's going on this week. And then sometimes I'm like, that sounds great. That's awesome. That's perfect. And then sometimes I'm like, hey, no, that's not going to work. Or I'll get into the space on the first day and I'll be like, hey, you know that plan that we had at the very beginning and you told me about it? I'm like, there's a bulkhead here and we're going to have to do it different. Or, hey, we're going to have, you know, have you thought about this? So we kind of work as a... team on that, I would say, but she's definitely running the day to day. She's calling all the plumbers and electricians and meeting with the clients. And then I'd probably say maybe once to twice a week, she'll come to me and be like, Hey, I have this question. What would you do here? What do you think about? Is that how, is that how you would feel?

But I will say, I didn't lie when I was telling her story. And I said, from the first time I sent her out to meet clients, she came back and said, I love that. And I was like, thank God that you loved that because I'm gonna die. And, uh, and so like, it was just, I, I hear from so many contractors and I tell them like our story and they're like, I wish my wife could do that. And I'm like, I don't, I just got lucky because she likes business. She likes kind of organizational stuff. And she loves sales. So it just kind of happened that way. And slowly but surely, she just gained more and more knowledge. And she just said so many times, she loves her job. And I'm like, I hit the jackpot. That's amazing.

Absolutely. Yeah, I can't sell for anything. I mean, I know I probably could if I really worked on it and trade. But as far as liking it, I don't like it. It's always made me a little uneasy. And from day one, Kristen has loved sales. Even before this job, she's had numerous sales jobs. And she's always liked commission-based sales and being kind of in this pressure cooker position. And so it was just this perfect mix of like, okay, you work on that, I'll work on this. And yeah, so that was, we got lucky.

And I would say part of it too, though, was when we first started transitioning over to you helping, our youngest still was not in school. So she was still, you know, completely a stay at home mom with the kids. And so any sort of work, I mean, she was just, you know, overloaded with the kids all the time. So like when I had her helping, it really was like, oh, she's just going out to just really quick do this thing. And then when our youngest got into preschool and now he does it five days a week, she was like, hey, I have a lot of time now during the week. I can really take on a lot more and I love it. And I'm like, by all means, take on as much as you can. Is that true?

Nope. We can end the podcast right there. Oh, we fight almost every day about something.

Yeah.

I would say... I think as far as like our fights go, I think we're, we learned a long time. We've been married for 16 years and we learned a long time ago that one of the best ways to fight is to not, to not assume someone's intention against them. So for example, if she messes up saying stuff like, you know, Hey, I know you didn't mean to do this thing, but this happened. And now we got to fix it. And then it kind of doing that, saying, I know you didn't mean to, giving the benefit of the doubt right off the bat and then getting into the conflict, it typically will kind of take the sting out of it or it will keep you from putting your walls up. So using language, just any relationship therapist or counselor, that sort of thing, they like to... use these sorts of languages to just like, hey, this is, I know you didn't mean to, but this is, you know, what happened. And then going into it. Sometimes I will fly off the handle because this thing got messed up. And then now it's going to push us off three weeks or something, right? A cabinet was mismeasured or something. Which just happened.

We actually don't know. It's still out there. We don't know. But so I think it's now learning for me, like just understanding because I used to control every aspect of the job. And so I could kind of micromanage it. Now stepping back, I can't. And so when mistakes happen, it's really hard for me because I'm like, if I was micromanaging it, this probably wouldn't have happened, which is laughable because I mess up all the time, but nobody knows because I just fix it. So now if somebody else makes a mistake, I have to fix it. And I'm like, no, I fix my own mistakes, not other people's, but I'm learning it's okay. This is now your job. It's okay. And so that's where the rub has kind of been for me in our fighting is like, I have to clean up other people's mistakes. I just like to clean up my own. And so it's kind of me just like swallowing that and being like, you know what, this is the job and this is why we make money. Like, cause I get to solve problems and fix problems and, and my, my job has changed and that's okay. And there's going to be mistakes and there's going to be delays. And, and honestly, just even saying that out loud. in the moment saying, it's going to be okay. Even when I don't feel okay, being like, it's going to be okay, Jess. It's going to be okay. I have to say it out loud, say it to her. And then I have to ask her to remind me. I have to say like, tell me it's going to be okay. Tell me this is fine. The client's fine. She's like, everybody's fine. Nobody's, it's okay. And I'm like, okay. All right. And I get to calm down. So there's like a few different ways I think that we go about that. Is that how you feel as well? Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like it doesn't happen as much. Not as

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I definitely, I don't think it happens as much as it used to. It's, it's a learning curve. Like I, I feel like I never gave Kristen enough. credit for how fast she's learned these things. Because I've known it for so long and then she came in and she would make a measuring mistake or something. I'd be like, what? Why are you? That's silly. Why would you do something like that? You know? And it's like, whoa, buddy, you've been doing this for years. She has no idea. And so slowly just like realizing her perspective and where she's coming from. And then also how she saved me. Like she, she saved the company. She, I like the Bender Holmes probably would not exist if she was not around. And then it calms me down and I'm like, man, I'm just so thankful that you're here. I better be, I better relax a little bit here because like, this is, this is not fair. She gets a, she gets a time to learn just like I had a lot of time to learn. And so just kind of calm. I don't feel like it happens nearly as much as it used to. First of all, cause she's way better at her job. And then second of all, because I've just learned to be more thankful for how she has handled our company and all that she does. She does eight different jobs for Bender Homes and I only do a couple, you know? And so I have to, I have to know like she is holding her own weight and I'm along for the ride and super thankful for that. Do you agree with that? That it doesn't happen nearly like it used to? Yes, I do.

No, I think you would if you were on the brink of like, I'm having a mental breakdown and she comes in and like fixes it, helps it, like takes it to another level. Like she's taken vendor homes, you know, way beyond anything I thought we could ever be. And so I'm like, I can handle some mistakes. Like she just, she nailed it. I mean, I can't even, it's, it's incredible. I'm so thankful for that. So yeah, I think if you were in that, I think if you were in the same position, you probably would be like, okay, it's all right.

I think we are terrible at this. And here's why. Here's exactly why. I can just name it and point to it immediately. We have a terrible system for tracking jobs and for the whole CRM situation. We do not use it. We do not implement it. So guess what? All of our our information for what needs to happen next is on post-it notes around the house and they're, they're buried in emails somewhere. And so all of a sudden I'll be like, Hey, we're, we're supposed to be like installing sconces and lighting. And I'm like, Kristen, did you order that yet? And she'll go, Oh no, I forgot about that. So that'll hit me at like 6 30 PM or it's eight o 'clock at night. And all of a sudden I'll jump up and I'll run out and be like, Hey, Did you do it? She'll be like, oh, I think it's being delivered tomorrow. I don't really know. So we're actually in the process of getting a new employee coming up here in February that will hopefully be getting us organized on our CRM. I don't even know what that means completely. This is not my world. As you can tell, Kristen had to save me. Anyway. Uh, so we have a new employee coming in who is going to get our CRM fully set up and then get it running. She's, she's actually going to be here for a while, like working with us day in and day out to try to see what tasks need to be on checklists and then need updates and all sorts of stuff. And then just get it, get us running. And then she's going to operate it from her house. And then we're going to have regular phone calls and do this whole thing. So my hope. is that as we get more organized, because we are not, we are very much a mom and pop shop right now where we can handle a lot, but we want to be able to handle way more than we do. We just hit a month where we had about six jobs going at one time. And I think three times in a month and a half, Kristen said, I'm losing my mind. And it was all directly related to systems. and tasks and she had it all in her head. And so it would all come out at random times in the day. It would come out on date nights. It would come out, you know, when the kids are around, it would come out all over. I think she's definitely right that when the kids are around, it's, we play, we're a playing family. We like to go on trips. We like to do sports and all sorts of stuff, but we're not good at it. And so the goal is that our organizing. software will help us get to the point where we can turn that off at the end of the day and then fully know that in the morning when we wake up, you know, those pop-ups, those notifications will go, oh, do this. And then we'll go, oh, great. I don't have to ever think about that. How do you feel about that? Do you agree with what I just said or what would you?

Taipei? Yeah, neither one of us is Taipei.

Yeah, I agree with that.

We're a little bit too flexible. Yeah.

It's a

Yeah. You're going to have to get on Kristen, make sure that it's moving forward. Cause I know that that conversation has happened in the past.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, I think... Kristen, I think, maybe thought it was going to be a lot easier in the beginning. I was unsure because I don't like managing people or trying to tell people like, hey, do this, don't do this. I'd rather just do the work myself. So that's a big learning thing for me in the last year and moving into this year. But I would say understanding your gifts and your weaknesses is probably one of the best things that you can do as a couple. And then knowing how to differentiate between those tasks that need to get done. So for instance, I would say neither one of us are like great, like the finances and all this stuff, but one is way better than the other. And that is Kristen. So Kristen actually does all of our books and all of our financials and the receipts and all of that different stuff. Like she just, she can handle that. She doesn't really. She doesn't like it, but it's not like I want to die right now. Like if I had to do that before, before Kristen came on, I didn't do books. I had Excel spreadsheets with just like what I bought for a job, you know, and that was it. We didn't have QuickBooks back then. So like now everything's changed and just understanding like I am the chief problem solver. Like 100%. So when she's having something, some kind of issue, or she's having problems with the sub because they won't do this, or they're saying there's a problem because they can't do this or whatever, she always comes to me and says, hey, talk me through this. What should we do? And I'd probably say nine times out of 10, we come up with a better solution than what we were even thinking before. So understanding like that's my role. And my role is a very hands-on approach in the field most of the time. So, you know, going to the job, I do all of our finished carpentry, most of it at least. And then Kristen like just understands sales. She knows sales. She likes sales. So like we've no, like, I don't have to do that. That's not something that's on my plate. So understanding like where my role stops and her role starts, I think is the way that we kind of try to keep keep sane in this and what I think each couple should know before they jump in. Because if they have the same giftings, I could see there being a lot of fights over you're doing it wrong or this is how I would do it. Or like, I can't tell her how I would do the books. I can't because I don't, I didn't ever did them. I don't know. So like, that's on her. She's going to figure that out. Right. So like, we just, we don't have to have a fight over that. There are things that we do still have to because we're both kind of holding on to them, but, or they intersect. But understanding like, hey, if your spouse is going to come aboard, talk about where each one of you can bring your gifting to the table and take the business to the next level. Because I think understanding that both of you, the expectations are going to be a lot more aligned.

Yeah, we're actually in the middle of that right now. We're looking to hire a marketing person that's going to start taking over a lot of that stuff. Because while Kristen's been doing it and doing a really good job, we know that if we want to move up, scale up, we're going to need more estimates, more bids to come in, more potential clients. So, yeah, that's one area that we know we're like, hey, neither one of us are great at this one. So let's kind of outsource this for sure.

I read something called audio books.

I mean, I'm still reading.

Yes. Okay. Well, but this is a little different because so I'm like by myself, probably 95% of a day and I have my noise cancelling headphones on. So all I'm doing is listening to audio books and podcasts. And my audio books are almost exclusively fiction books where I can just get kind of lost in the world and I'm not having to think a lot. But my podcasts are like a mixture of like, like a Jordan Peterson. I listen to him all the time. I listen to a lot of sports stuff. I mean, I'm just like all over the map. However, I would say Kristen and I talk about leadership principles almost every day, I would say, through like a podcast I'm listening to where I'm like, hey, I heard this. This was really cool. Jesse Eitzler, I don't know if you know who that is, but he has some unbelievable stuff. that we find really profound about our family life and business life. And it kind of goes all over the map. Yeah, so I'm not a big reader. I like to listen and work at the same time. It's part of my ADD-ness. And I think I need to slow down a bit.

Final thoughts. I would say... specifically on working together, it's very, very messy. Overall, it has been the biggest blessing, not only just to me personally, but I think to our marriage. Like we have, we're learning how to communicate better in even our marriage because we have to do it every day and we have to have fights all the time. Kristen is a very conflict averse person, does not like conflict at all, will shut down sometimes when conflict is brought up. But through pretty much ever since she's, she joined the company, she has like ramped it up and she will just go at it now. And it is awesome because I don't mind a little conflict at all. I want to just get it out. And so it has been a huge blessing to our marriage to even have the company because we're working on ourselves. And I think that's like the biggest point in not only in your own company, but. even in your marriage, in your relationships, friendships, in your parenting, it's like, if you could stop focusing on the other person as the problem and see yourself as the problem, I think then you can truly have a good, right? That's like the basis for a good relationship, a good marriage, being a good parent is like not focusing on where the other person is messing up or how the other person could, if they would just. do this. If they would just be better at this, if they would only do this, then I could be happy. I think that's the biggest downfall in every company, in every relationship, every marriage is always thinking the other person's the problem. But in taking responsibility in your company and being like, you know what? I think I should, I think I could do better in this. Not only skills wise, getting my skills better, learning from people online. I'm just... constantly just absorbing information from like YouTube, Instagram, TikTok about how guys do their jobs. And it's amazing. And so I'm trying to work on me that way. In the business side, I'm trying to see how like, oh, I didn't tell Kristen this part. Like I messed up that. And so I think as we've both done that, taking responsibility and being like, no, I need to work on me. I think that's the way that you're going to succeed in anything.

Yeah, that's BenderHomesLLC. com.