EP32: Ego Suppression

Sure, sure, for sure. Listen, can I call you out just a little bit? Yes.

mean, are you actually reading the book or are you listening to the book? It's a big difference. And this is not just a total call out on you because this is actually a different topic because for whatever reason, I like to touch the book. I like to read the book. I like to crinkle the pages, fold something. And something I actually look up to you a little bit on is like when you're in the truck, you're like listening to books. And I think it's important for people to realize that that's what you do a lot. I know you read books too, but you listen to a lot of books. Is that true?

Yeah. I love books with pictures.

No, this is important because we want people to consume knowledge. We want people to take in that stuff. So I got to tell you, like, you know, we, Brad and I just, if you, for those of you who know, we just, we got back from a trip. He was on a competition in Colorado. I drove out to Colorado. It was like 10 and a half,11 hours to get there. And so...

No, I realized that. I did consume a handful of podcasts, some that really moved me. And those podcasts moved me. I like that audio thing. And I got to be 100% transparent. I don't think I've ever listened to an audio book. But I've listened to... hours and hours and hours of like really powerful podcasts. They moved me, right? So anyways, I know we're going down a rabbit hole, but I want to be clear with that. Whatever moves you, whether it's video content, audio content, paper, reading the book content, like you should be consuming stuff. So I wanted to be clear on that. So, but you know, like a lot, I get a lot of work done listening to the Lamb of God. I'm not going to bullshit.

I don't listen to the radio, bro.

How old are you, bro? We listen to MP3 now.

So this is the thing. The way my mind works, and I think this is important to talk about, we'll go into the ego suspension, but the way my mind works, like I can have music on, whether it's country or Lamb of God or whatever. And like my mind is ticking and I'm thinking about and I'm processing like things I want to do. And it's just like this, the rhythm in my head. Like, it's like, that's the way my mind is ticking. And I might not even hear the music, just the... beat. I might not hear the lyrics, but in my mind, I'm like, I got to get this done. I got to get this done. I want to accomplish this. I want to do this. I want to go that. That's kind of the way that my mind works.

Well, that for me is Lama God. I just want to let you know. I know we're not officially sponsored by Lama God or anything, but I just want to let you know, like that's the way I think.

It's important, though. It's important. So go ahead.

That's crazy. I had a contractor that I knew and he was a one-upper. It didn't matter. It would up everything. I don't even know that he did it on... I don't even know that he knew he was doing it. You know what I mean? I really believe that he didn't know that. I know people do it unconsciously and I know people do it consciously for sure.

Absolutely. Love American Idol. It's hilarious.

Did you see him? I don't remember him. I'm looking it up tonight. I promise.

It's crazy you took that direction. With 100% transparency, I thought you were going to go the direction of that singer that comes on and they think they're the shit. They think they're better than anyone on the planet. And then they sing and you're putting your hands over your ears, like holding, like, oh my God, I can't stand one more. One more octave from this person. One more note. I'll just want to die. And so it's funny how you took it in the opposite direction. I was thinking completely different.

Do you think that could be played?

Do you think they could be like, I'm so awesome. I'm going to blow their minds. And they go on stage and like, I just, I don't think I'm that good.

Do you think they could play that? Do you think they could play that? There's a level of authenticity that you can like read into. Like, I think it's innate in us. Like we can read into that kind of stuff. Yeah.

So, this comes to, for me, it's humility. Like, and so this is really important, Brad. And I don't know that you know how I take this direction, but I think some people mistake confidence for arrogance. And so ego and arrogance is like polar opposites, right? So, but I think when some people are confident yet humble, I think some people who are weak-minded and don't have this, like just weak-minded people, they go, oh, this guy's totally full of himself. You know, he's misogynistic. He's like, he thinks he's the shit, right? But there's a level of confidence and humility. Like there's a really weird balance there.

Here we go.

Just most of the time, right, Brad?

So I'd like to think of myself as fairly humble. but very confident in certain things. And I definitely, definitely 100% have been accused of being arrogant on certain things. And it's just because I think some people that have a low self-esteem or low self-confidence, they get into a victim mentality kind of mindset and they don't know how to handle someone who's very confident in certain things. And so they'd be like, oh, this guy's an asshole. He's totally cocky, whatever. I'm like... I'm not cocky. I'm passionate about this and I know it really well and I'm excited to talk about it, but I still want to learn. Like if you could teach me something about what I love, dude, I'll be the first in line to take notes. So there's like this, I think it takes from the person. It's very important how the person perceives you. And if they're willing to take on information, I think that's an important factor.

An unconscious effort to what?

Because I just want to be clear on that as we talk about it. Because in the last podcast, it's interesting because we were riffing on something and I was going one direction. And then I made like... I don't remember exactly how to say it. I don't think it's important. But I said one thing and it was like satire. Like it wasn't even really true. And it's like actually 100% opposite of what I would want to do. And then you like interjected something and we went a different direction. And so it could come off as if I said that the wrong way, if you know what I mean. So sometimes when we play that satire thing, if we don't complete the sentence. It doesn't come off right. So I wanted to be clear on that because that's something I did in the last podcast.

Yeah, for sure. And this is really important because you're going into a learning environment. So you suppress your ego, you suppress your knowledge, you just take that whole level down so you can take in. You're open to receive, right? And I think what's really interesting is like, okay, you're paying for some teaching, some training, some courses, right? So when you have money invested into this, it's very easy for you to go like, hey, I just need to shut off my ego, who I am, and I paid a lot of money. And I want to see what I can learn from this person. There's that kind of approach to it. But the cool thing about it is like, you know, when I go to a Koi club meeting or to a bonsai convention or whatever, I like take that confidence, which is borderline ego, that ego confidence. I take it what I know. I put it in my pocket and I like tone everything down. I go in with that open mindset and I want to learn, right? For me, in that learning environment, I know I'm going into an environment where I can meet beginners and advanced people and experts and masters. And I'm just going to go in 100% open and try and learn. It's different when you pay. Like you said, I'm going to pay for this course. I'm going to come in and learn. But wouldn't it be amazing? Wouldn't it be unbelievable if you could just go through life like that and just have the ego in your pocket and just be open to learn all the time? And then when you're like, okay. I got to pull my ego out of my pocket and like shut someone down and go like, no, this is how we do it. This is what's right. This is, this is what's respectable. This is integrity. This is discipline. And then you can, then you can apply your knowledge and with, with confidence slash ego. Right. So there's really a balance of like when to use it, when to not to use it. You know what I'm saying?

Like I'm wild. Six foot six cocky Brad Hibner. What's up everybody? This is Brad Hibner.

Listen, I had a really, really cool consultation today on a property with some prospects. And they were a really neat couple. And, you know, I just went in there with, you know, some humility and excitement and They're just upstairs as a consultant to help. And it's really interesting because I know because of the profit sales system and the way I communicate with my clients and connect with them, I really had a really good sense of who these people were. Even before I went to the property, they were already paying me 500 bucks to be there. Like I'm the expert and they paid me 500 bucks to be there as the expert. But I went there, I was just like open, ego low. What can I do to help? How are you hoping I can help? This kind of approach. And they were very savvy and smart and on top of things. And it was really cool because there was a wife and a husband there and eight kids. Eight kids, like that's crazy, right? And she's like, I've done a lot of research. I've done this, I've done that, I've done this. And I think most contractors... To push that back, they were like, oh, she's done a lot of research. I got to prove myself, right? I wasn't that way at all. I was like, oh, cool. Well, what have you learned? Tell me more about the research you've done and where you've landed on what you want to do. I didn't use that as a defense mechanism. I think most contractors are programmed that. And so the ego suspension for me, I was just like, tell me about the research. Tell me what you're liking. Tell me what you're feeling. And then we just had this really great conversation. And then I was able to insert my feelings, my expertise, my suggestions without being egotistical, without being overbearing. It was just a conversation. It wasn't me trying to justify like, look, I know you've done a lot of research, but I'm the expert in this area and this is how we're going to do it. Right? So that's the conversation we had.

It would probably be like some kind of like as if I wasn't qualified. That would probably like really fire me up. I would like punch him in the face, kick him in the throat. You know, like if, you know, I mean, that's, I mean, I'm being honest. Like I've been doing it a long time and I feel like if they felt like I wasn't qualified to do the job, I would have been like, I already, I would have told you I'm not qualified. I wouldn't even be here right now if I wouldn't feel, if I didn't feel like I could help you. So like that would really fire me up.

Well, that's a lot of money. That's way more money than I planned on spending.

Well, just tell me what it is.

Well, I mean, that's part of it. I mean, that's kind of leading to it like, oh, wow. Okay, cool. Well, I'm going to get three estimates. So that's the... Sometimes if the client feels you're too expensive, they'll just say, oh, well, I want to get a couple more estimates. They're going to kind of lie to you. They're not going to say, bro, that's way more than I plan on spending. They would just say, okay, cool. Well, I appreciate your time. I'm going to get a couple more estimates and then I'll make a decision later.

Well, of course. I mean, of course, they want to start to justify why they're the right person. They start to defend, right? So for me, I just like, you know, I want to encourage them to go get more estimates because I feel like with the profit sales system and the way I communicate with clients, like no one's going to be able to communicate. and have the empathy and tactical empathy that I would have towards their project. So I almost encourage that. But I think by default, I know where you're going with this now, is the ego comes in like, oh, well, you don't want to go to ABC pawns. Those guys are total hack jobs. And XYZ pawns, they never deliver what they promise. And they start to do that kind of shit. It's terrible.

I'll wake up and piss excellence. Those guys can't touch me. Well, that is, I mean, that's a great example, Brad. I'm glad you brought that up of contractors. they feel like they need to over-vet themselves over the competition. And I think done, like I think the way that most contractors would do it is really, it backfires more often than not.

Are you dropping word tracks, bro?

Yeah,100%. So, I mean, I think it's a cool topic. And so it's interesting because, you know, I want to move towards some of the members in our group. And I know one of the members is going to listen to this podcast and say, Triplett's talking about me. I know it, right? But it's funny because sometimes I'm wrong and we have members come in. I'm like, oh, this guy's going to be egotistical. It's going to be hard to train them. I don't know if they're going to be coachable. And like they blow my mind. And so it's, it's cool when, when I read that wrong and then that makes me really happy. But, um, you know, when, when you invest money into bettering yourself, if there's a really, there's a real click where you take that ego, you put it in your pocket and, and like, and you go in for it. Right. So I bet I would like to think that if the member that I'm talking about and he knows who I'm talking about. if he wouldn't have made an investment into the group to be better on himself financially, he might not have opened up enough and been vulnerable enough to really take it on to go like, okay, cool. I'll take that constructive criticism. I'm going to apply it and see how it works for me. And so I think that ego suspension is really critical in learning. And you almost have to be in the gutter enough to want to get better. There's certain people that can be like, I just want to get better. I'm going to pay. I'm going to get coaching. I'm going to join a group or whatever. And they just naturally do that. But other people, they have to be in the gutter enough. And I think that's me. I'm a little bit proud, a little bit macho. It's like I almost have to be in the gutter deep enough, my knuckles scraping across the ground to be like, I want some help. I'm going to invest. I'm going to put in enough to where I can bring the humility up and the ego in and learn. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know. That's why I'm in the room with you.

No, that's why I'm in the room with you.

no, no. I'm the dumb one. You're the smart one.

It's so cool that you said this, Brad, because this woman, she was sharp. You know, she was super sharp and she'd been doing a lot of research. You know when the client's like, yeah, I've been doing some research. And you're like, you don't know shit. You watched one video. You don't know what the shit you're talking about. You can just tell by the words that are spewing out of their mouth. This woman that I saw today, she was sharp, man. She knew about regeneration zones and aquatic plant life. And I could just tell by listening to her that she knew what the hell she was talking about. So I didn't go in there like, I'm the smartest student. I'm so experienced. I'm like, I went in there. It was like, hey, how can I help you? And then I just went in there sharing my experience of, you know, of how to validate what she, the research she's done. It's almost like she'd done the research, but she had no street experience. It was all like computer experience. And so when she spouted out her computer experience, I correlated that back to my in the field experience. And I was like, oh, from my experience, this is what I see. And I think that's a good idea. So I wasn't in there like, I'm smarter than you. I was in there humble, open, how can I help? And I was like, you're smarter than me. You've done all the research. You see what I'm saying?

I mean, it was just like, I was taking her, like, she would say, this is what I've studied. And I was like, hey. I can validate that because from my experience, this is what happens when you do this. And she was like, oh, cool. Like it almost validated her research, right? And there was a couple of times I was like, well, from my experience, I don't know if I 100% agree with that because this is what I've learned in from what I've done in the field over the past decade of... of doing that, right? And so I just gave her the data and she was like, okay, okay, that makes sense. And so like, we're having a conversation. It wasn't my ego trying to make myself overpower her and like make myself feel dominant, right? It was just like, hey, we're having a conversation. How can I help you? This, you know, this is the data that I have to back up your research.

Yeah, I mean, that's a perfect example because she had done more research than her husband and she believed, like her husband was like, hey, what's the ratio to this, that, the other? I was thinking it would be this. And then the wife was like, no, it doesn't have to be that. And so now I was like, okay, I have to make the correction here and either side with the wife or side with the husband, right? So I had to go in and show my experience in the field of both different ways. And I presented in such a fashion with humility, not ego. I suppressed my ego to go like, well, look, this is my experience and this is my peers' experience and this is what they're doing in Europe. And I believe for this application, you know, we could go this way or that way. And then it was just delivering knowledge. It was just delivering like, hey, this is the data. You know, you take it how you want. This is what I did. I didn't say, oh, well, I've done it this way and this is how it needs to be. I was like, I've done it all these different ways. And however we feel this works best for you is how we should go. And I didn't side with the husband or the wife. And they both looked at me like, okay, cool. Like you protected me. Like they both looked at me at the same time and like, oh, thanks for protecting me. It was crazy. It was only because I had ego suppression.

I'm an I personality. I want both of them to like me. I'm like, oh my God, I have to make a decision. One's going to like me or the other. What can I do? to make them both like me at the same time and prove both of them right and both of them wrong. It's an eye personality coming out, bro.

Well, I mean, that's the beauty of this, Brad. It's like... we have different personalities to communicate. The disc profile, you know, we communicate differently with different people, right? And the wife was a little more I personality. The husband was a little more, I'd say S. And so like we were just communicating. And so that's the beauty about this process and understanding profit sales systems and the way to talk to clients and suppressing egos. You know, I mean, some of this is going to come naturally to some people and some people have to work harder at things. You know, right?

I'm thinking this through. Is it music? Is it Lamb of God? No. What is it?

Okay.

Sure. Active listening.

Of silence. Speaking the universal language of not speaking.

don't know. Do you have anything else you want to say?

Well, that's true, but also self-evaluation after your phone call. If you think about what you're saying as you're saying it and you're kind of taking notes, you're like, oh, I don't know if that made sense. I maybe shouldn't have said that. I say that sometimes. I say something, I'm like, ooh, I maybe should have said that. Happens all the time. And so self-awareness is super powerful. And if you're super egotistical, you might not have self-awareness. And I think that's a critical, critical point we should talk about.

Hey, thank you so much for paying attention to the podcast. And I would really, really appreciate your attention. We want you to do your part of making the world a better place and sharing this podcast with some contractors, buddies of yours so we can help. shed light on ways to make better experiences for our clients, customers, and prospects. And of course, if you want to take your business to the next level, we would love to see you on the inside of the Profit Club. You know how to do it. Visit hammerandgrind. com and we'll catch you next time.